RESOLUTIONS

Just writing the word sends shivers up and down my spine!!!

Every December 31st, the thoughts start racing through my mind. What do I NEED to change?? What do I NEED to accomplish?? What do I NEED to push myself to do??

And every December 31st I come up with the same list I did the year before...

I WILL lose 150 pounds by Feb 1st!!!

I WILL get all of my scrapbooks up-to-date by Feb 1st!!!

I WILL exercise 4 hours a day/7 days a week!!!!

I WILL keep my house so incredibly clean that you, at any given moment, could eat off my floor!!!

I WILL read my Bible and spend 7 hours in prayer EVERY DAY!!!

(Yes I know these are unrealistic! Work with me here! I am making a point!)

And what happens to these lovely resolutions??

By Jan 1st, I have given up on every single one of them. Convinced to the core of my existence that I am not capable of accomplishing any of them!! Well...DUHHH!!! What was I thinking? Why did I try to set myself up for failure to begin with? 

Sound familiar????

So this year I am setting some year-long goals. No set deadlines. I have decided that I am not going to hold myself to strict dates and numbers. It apparently doesn't work for me ;) These are things I have always wanted to try or do. Desires of my heart. No real change...just a different way of looking at things. And honestly...who needs the pressure of a deadline???

This is what I want to do...

1. Get Healthy 

I know in order toaccomplish this I need to eat better and move more. That's it!!! No set weight loss. No-never eat anything sweet again-rigor. 

2. Finish things 

Sounds a little odd I know. But there are o many things that I have left unfinished!! Books I have started, scarves I have started, scrapbooks I have started (get the picture)...and never finished. I don't know if I will get to the unfinished projects in total but if I start something this year, I intend to finish it!

3. Scrapbook More 

I used to do this all the time. But honestly, I haven't really done any scrapbooking in over a year!!! I don't need to get completely caught up. I am going to start where I am am and work my way through what I have. Included in this is more picture taking. I would like to document every week of the year but if I miss something--- that's okay too.

4. Learn Something New 

I don't know what, but I am putting it out there.

5.  Time with God 

not MORE...just TIME!!

It's that simple!

Nothing else to it! No unrealistic expectations on myself.

Simple desires of my heart.

Maybe by December 31, 2011 I can tell you all that I met all my goals for the year. Then again, maybe I won't be able to. But in the great scheme of things, as long as I am doing something...

I HAVE WON!!!

Just wanted to share

I realize that I haven't posted in several months...I have a lot going through my head...just have not been able to organized all my thoughts to make a coherent post.

October 29th I "hosted" our 2nd Annual Harvest Festival at West County Assembly of God. I have so much fun putting this party together for all the kids! I wanted to share some of the pictures from the event.

The dessert table was a lot of fun to put together. I think it turned out pretty nice.

I loved seeing all the creative costumes!

And the pumpkin carving contest was amazing!!

I look forward to planning the next one. Hope everyone enjoyed their time with us.

Identity

I have struggled over the last 20 years of my life with who I am. I think this has been the biggest obstacle to my "growing up". I don't know what I want from life. I get all the grandiose ideas in my head and shoo them away because "I could never accomplish that". What in the world am I supposed to be doing with my life.

You see, I became a mom at 19!! I went from being the daughter of parents to being the mother of my daughter. Then I became the wife of my husband and then the mother of 2 boys. I have always felt like I never got the opportunity to become ME!!! (whoever that is supposed to be ;) )

Kat over at Inspired to Action has been sharing a lot lately about Motherhood, Identity, Comparison, Change and sooo much more!!! Every time over the last few weeks that I have read her blog, I have sat here crying because I can so relate to everything she and her readers are writing about! I really have a hard time accepting who I am and who I am supposed to be. I truly have NO CLUE!!

Then, Monday my DH says to me that I need to just focus on the fact that I am a child of God. I am Carolyn Ann Helfrich Johnson and to deny that would in essence be to deny God himself! We sat on the back porch as he tried to get me to proclaim in true Spartan style, fist raised, determination on my face, that "I AM CAROLYN!!!!!". Needles to say, on that day, all I could do was laugh at him because honestly, I do NOT like who I am.

Fast forward to today. I am doing a bible study by Cynthia Heald called "Becoming a Woman of Simplicity". Todays chapter was all about abandoning my self to God. To love God I must obey God. To obey God shows my love to God. And it hit me like a ton of bricks!!! With all my self-loathing, horrible self-talk, getting down on my appearance and personality and house-keeping abilities, I have been completely discounting God's creation! I have not died to myself!! I have been selfish!!! More selfish than I ever imagined. Hard to handle, but by being so self-deprecating, I was basically telling God that his creation was NO GOOD!!! How arrogant is that???

So enough is enough!!! I AM A CHILD OF GOD!!! I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE!!! I AM CAROLYN ANN HELFRICH JOHNSON!! God did not make a mistake with me!! He made me just as I am. He doesn't want me to be something I am not. He wants me to realize who I am IN HIM!!! What a magical moment it is to realize that!!!

I don't have all the answer yet! NO WAY! NO HOW!! But babysteps are being taken!!! One foot in front of the other. And I am going to end up right where my Father in Heaven wants me to be!!!