Just wanted to share

I realize that I haven't posted in several months...I have a lot going through my head...just have not been able to organized all my thoughts to make a coherent post.

October 29th I "hosted" our 2nd Annual Harvest Festival at West County Assembly of God. I have so much fun putting this party together for all the kids! I wanted to share some of the pictures from the event.

The dessert table was a lot of fun to put together. I think it turned out pretty nice.

I loved seeing all the creative costumes!

And the pumpkin carving contest was amazing!!

I look forward to planning the next one. Hope everyone enjoyed their time with us.

Identity

I have struggled over the last 20 years of my life with who I am. I think this has been the biggest obstacle to my "growing up". I don't know what I want from life. I get all the grandiose ideas in my head and shoo them away because "I could never accomplish that". What in the world am I supposed to be doing with my life.

You see, I became a mom at 19!! I went from being the daughter of parents to being the mother of my daughter. Then I became the wife of my husband and then the mother of 2 boys. I have always felt like I never got the opportunity to become ME!!! (whoever that is supposed to be ;) )

Kat over at Inspired to Action has been sharing a lot lately about Motherhood, Identity, Comparison, Change and sooo much more!!! Every time over the last few weeks that I have read her blog, I have sat here crying because I can so relate to everything she and her readers are writing about! I really have a hard time accepting who I am and who I am supposed to be. I truly have NO CLUE!!

Then, Monday my DH says to me that I need to just focus on the fact that I am a child of God. I am Carolyn Ann Helfrich Johnson and to deny that would in essence be to deny God himself! We sat on the back porch as he tried to get me to proclaim in true Spartan style, fist raised, determination on my face, that "I AM CAROLYN!!!!!". Needles to say, on that day, all I could do was laugh at him because honestly, I do NOT like who I am.

Fast forward to today. I am doing a bible study by Cynthia Heald called "Becoming a Woman of Simplicity". Todays chapter was all about abandoning my self to God. To love God I must obey God. To obey God shows my love to God. And it hit me like a ton of bricks!!! With all my self-loathing, horrible self-talk, getting down on my appearance and personality and house-keeping abilities, I have been completely discounting God's creation! I have not died to myself!! I have been selfish!!! More selfish than I ever imagined. Hard to handle, but by being so self-deprecating, I was basically telling God that his creation was NO GOOD!!! How arrogant is that???

So enough is enough!!! I AM A CHILD OF GOD!!! I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE!!! I AM CAROLYN ANN HELFRICH JOHNSON!! God did not make a mistake with me!! He made me just as I am. He doesn't want me to be something I am not. He wants me to realize who I am IN HIM!!! What a magical moment it is to realize that!!!

I don't have all the answer yet! NO WAY! NO HOW!! But babysteps are being taken!!! One foot in front of the other. And I am going to end up right where my Father in Heaven wants me to be!!!

Babysteps!

So one of the things I am trying to make a habit is reading my bible every single day! I did really good at the beginning of the year and then...fell flat on my face and didn't pick it up for almost 4 months!!! And I can tell you I really felt it in my soul.  

Something stirred in me this week that made me pick it up again. God has a funny way of doing that! ;)  Anyway, everyday, I am reading my bible. I bought a One Year Chronological Bible this year and I am way behind. But I made a deal with myself. It doesn't matter if I read 1 whole days passage or 3! I don't have to catch up with the dates as soon as possible. Eventually I will!!! I just have to read something each day!

And this week...I AM DOING IT!!! I still have to remind myself. But I am reading the word of the Lord and I feel better for it.

What do you need to do? Is there a habit you want to master? Let me know!